Parenting #BangaloreMolestation – Whom Do We Blame Tucked within layers of bedsheets she was keenly listening to her mom reading to her. “Locked in the high castle she waited and waited for the Prince”, read her mom. “Mom!” whispered she, “Why didn’t her parents teach the Princess Karate?” “Would she have fought herself instead of waiting for the Prince”, Pramila was shocked. She had remained ‘Just A Mother’ and not a Strong Woman. #BangaloreMolestation She felt guilty and so were many other parents who received their molested daughters home. #BangaloreMolestation #BangaloreMolestation Raised quite a lot of eyebrows, It did make us wonder what went wrong? As women, we have always been seen as bodies, flesh and I everything else but not fellow souls. That day – twitterati went viral with #YesAllWomen, with women sharing how each one was molested. How the society showed them to care less and work more. Yes! it is true that #NotAllMen are sexual abusers, however, is the abusers were minority, how did they let the #BangaloreMolestation happen. Women were abused and sexually assaulted by a sudden zombie turned men who were flesh-hungry. Forgetting that the same and flesh and skin gave them birth and fed them, men groped! It is painful to write, and that is the reason I have been postponing, Yet! The recent news that the police is clueless to such an incident and they cannot find any EVIDENCE, made me think, and think again. The feminine soul inside laughs at me when I think of the mess that has happened and how offhandedly it has been shoved off. Molestation and Age Old Stories I was in school, travelling in bus. An old man was sitting in a seat near where I was standing. He asked me, “Pappa! You want to sit?”, I looked at his seat, there was no space, he directed me to his lap. I was 5 or 6 then. I sat on his lap and then after a few minutes felt uncomfortable, I didn’t know then, that his making patterns on my thighs were abuse, but still I could sit no further. Old men, young men, men – Uff! whom do we trust? My grandmother would scowl at me the instance I smiled at a boy, Hey! wait- I was 6 then. Yes! you have read my exact age, when I was 8 years old, I was taught not to smile at men – that would give a wrong signal. I have wondered how stupid my grandmother was to have ill-treated me. Women! I now feel, how right she was. It was a better be safe something she had implanted in me. Tales of 60 year old molesting a child in the running bus, 20 year old molesting an aunty (pedaling they say) in trains, were all common even in my childhood. However, we kept quite! we were kept quite! By our parents, By our teachers and By all elders – whom we respected. However, now we have moved across those barriers. I see #YesAllWomen as a shout out from the phoenix birds and our modern Sita’s who have walked through abusive hands, fought them and stood against them. If you thought by touching the skin – that is going to age and decay – you have attained glory, Oh! men, we heed none! If remaining quiet we could grow equal to you in 50 years, what do you think speaking aloud will lead to? Whom Do We Blame? Sexual abuse is not a problem that is limited to Indian women alone, its a global one. Yes, there are women in the US, UK, Europe and world over, who have similar complains. Women have been conditioned to ignore and brush off these abuses -Because she is -WOMAN. So finally the whole country ended up asking why woman would want to go out to enjoy a New Years Eve? Why would they want to stay up late in a crowded street? Well, one thing has to be understood, and understood clearly- Our girls are given birth to, cherished and grown as equal as boys, and they have all rights to enjoy equally. It is now the turn of boys to understand. Parenting Discrepancy and Lack of Responsibility #BangaloreMolestation – Whom Do We Blame Parents need to firstly behave with responsibility. They go head over heels to provide every latest gadget launched in the market, just to get away from the guilt of not spending much time with their children. They work their nights oil out to let their children be spoilt by misleading videos back home. Are we as parents doing the right thing to this society? Are we being responsible as parents? I feel with the change in time and technology, it is important for parents to change too. Compassion and empathy has to be taught – to men and women alike. There are a lot of issues going around you, sensitize your children with them. Let them know of the 80 year old who was sexually assaulted and left to die bleeding because a Harpic can inserted into her anus piercing the small and large intestine. Tell them stories of how children are trafficked and used like commodities. Let them know how the fellow beings are suffering, how animals are getting extinct and why the environment is being played with. Let children be able to understand between a friendly hug and an abuse! Parents its going to be Super -Parenting from now! Become a super mother and super father and enable your child to become a better being, who is socially responsible and empathetically alive towards his surroundings. Buried under cartoons and gadgets would make them insensitive and ignorant. Who knows if they are not sensitized now, they would behave like beasts or mutant mules, with no expressions or compassion. Linking to Weekly prompt of theblogchatter.com Linking to #MondayMusings of everydaygyan.com Linking to #MondayMommyMomnets by Deepa and Amrita Related Posts:Mindful Walking – An Easy Way To Get Rid Of…7 Seemingly Healthy Ideas That Can Prove To Be DangerousAn Interview with Varalakshmi Pooja Contest Winner…Gratitude – The Golden Thread That Strengthens…Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Menaka Bharathi is a Mindful Parenting Consultant and an Organic food Producer. She markets Indian Superfoods throug SIM Organics which taken in small quantities would help to maintain the health of the family and boost resistance against diseases. 10/01/2017 by menaka bharathi | 42 Comments 42 Comments on #BangaloreMolestation – Whom Do We Blame Thank You so much Seema! I love to write about the things that affect me as an individual and a parent. I am glad you liked it. I love how you always reflect upon reality and that’s the thing about your blog posts, they always have a takeaway for the readers. That’s a beautiful perspective. Self defense and self realisation can really help in this endeavor. Thank You Very Much! Kathleen. As a parent I feel I need to be more responsible and make sure the kids grow up to better individuals. these days children are always hooked up to TV or internet. this had made them very insensitive and care less about the person who is travelling with you. I hope men could show more respect to women and women learn how to treat those who don’t Yes Milan, self defense seems to be of paramount importance these days True Nidhi, Parents have more responsibility in raising socially aware and empathetic children Yes, the buck stops with parents in a very big way indeed. Parents of both girls and boys need to sensitise their children at a very young age about why respecting other people’s bodies is so important. A poignant write-up. I think the best way to deal with this problem is that women should learn self defence techniques. Menaka, what a brave post. Your idea of starting with a good example and teaching in the home sounds paramount. Getting like-minded women together for support and strength and brainstorming on how to change a culture. It has to start somewhere with a strong front. Even harder may be to get good men to take a stand. These are the sort of things taking place here against domestic violence. Bringing it out in the open and getting prominent people to speak out in support. Teaching respect in the home and schools in sporting clubs etc. You bravely speaking out is a start. thanks Bushra! there needs to be a radical change in our society where females are considered Thanks Deepika for stopping by! Lets become supermoms Yes SHilpa! That’s what all this burns down to. well said! This is the best comment I have got in the recent times Upasana! a tight hug to you. thanks a ton dear. Thanks a ton Humaira True Vinitha! instead of blaming we need to start thinking of building a better India, it lies in the hands of the coming generation I agree, blame games are clearly not the way to go. It all lies in the upbringing of children. Awesome writeup This deserves a standing ovation Menaka. Every word is resonating with me. What more to say when you said it all. “Not all men harass women. But all women have, at some point, been harassed by men”… I think this sums it up. As Moms, we need to raise our sons responsibly. And Dads have to set the right example for their sons. And that’s by the way they treat their women at home. Loved reading your post, I second your opinion. Our daughters must be self sufficient, why to wait for knight in armor when we are our own rescuers. yes the abuse occurs in many form in our society , but the question you raise is very good . Whom to blame for woman who silently face it or man who is crossing all boundaries Yes Neha! Super Parenting it is going to be from now on. we need to charge ourselves up, be well informed and ready to show our children how to live Thanks Vasanth! Yes it is a great responsibility for us! Great post, Menaka !!! Thoght provoking. I loved all your tips in raising both boy and girl child. We as mothers have more reponsibility to stand against these uneven events. Let us do it, dear !!! I totally agree with your thoughts, Menaka. It is going to be super parenting for us now! I too feel parenting plays a great role in the basic behavior of children SID! These are exactly my thoughts Romila, there must be something that started this. if we know exactly where it started and how it was carried on we will be able to decide upon what actually must have gone wrong and whom to blame welcome deepa! Yes, we were taught to keep quiet and ignore it. We should now teach our children to make noise, fight and create some change Hemanat, I feel there must have been some underground induction done for this. I don’t think some boys would suddenly start molesting, and everyone will be watching without any reaction. There needs to be a proper investigation done on this Exactly Ramya! Upbringing has a huge role to play in every turn of a persons life. I feel as parents we need to make sure we give this society the best children I agree with you Sanjay and you have told it on the face. Yes we need to teach boys. I have time and again told , girls need to learn self defense, not all parents are as responsible as us There is no doubt that there really needs to be a clear line drawn between a friendly touch and an abuse and our daughters need to learn to differentiate between the two. However, as regards educating the girls, I surely have a different opinion, it’s not the girls, but the boys who need to be educated and made aware of what is wrong and what’s right. It’s the boys who should learn to keep their testeteron levels in control. Rather, to put it bluntly, to learn to keep that thing tucked inside their pants. That’s my personal feeling, as a man, a really concerned man, a dad of three daughters. Yestee, http://www.yesteethatsme.com It all finally boils down to upbringing. Childhood influences play a vital role in what adults we become. And it surely is the role of both parents to bring up both boys and girls responsibly.. There are a lot of people to blame : 1. The Molestor 2. Police Personel 3. Surrounding People who did not came to help 4. Girls who did not raise their voice against molestor 5. Last but not the least Government. This needs to stop and its been happening always it’s just that then everybody kept quiet. And so they gathered courage. Gender sensitivity and raisin good kids, making girls strong, independent and yes the system needs to punish them. Allthatsmom Yes we need some change in laws of our country as these cases make us question safety of women in our country. Thanks for linking up with #MondayMommyMoments Menaka 🙂 We need to start doing research on mobs. We need to look at revolutions like what happened in Egypt to understand mobs. There needs to be an understanding of how a group becomes a crowd and how that crowd subsequently becomes a mob. Who are these people? Given that many women are possibly more worried about their safety now, vigilance is perhaps key while heading out alone. While there isn’t “one-size-fits-all” strategy when it comes to escaping an attack, it can always help to know a few basic self-defence tactics in case the unthinkable happens. ‘Who do we blame’ is the question to be asked? I mean, I still think a lot of it boils down to parenting and the way people have been brought up. True Alana! this is a global problem and with the increase in sensitization of the people we hope it will reduce. Some how the recent times seem to be more tricky in terms of such cases True Manisha, somewhere this needs to stop. Agree to your post Menaka. We need to teach our sons and daughters both. We should do what we can. Somewhere this needs to stop. You are right – it is a worldwide problem – and we women have the power and the right to make it stop, although attitudes will not change overnight. It will be a long, hard battle, but it is well worth it. May each generation have it easier than the last. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.