Read this different take on overparenting and helicopter parenting by another mom – Roopika!
Mommy Shaming is the new age abuse that moms are subjected to nowadays, quite often. It doesn’t take much time to be judgemental about another mother. We all do so and have been subject to this as well. But at times this leaves a parent- specially a first-time mom in a double bind.
To Be or Not To Be
Parents get blamed for everything- if you are cautious and protective about your child, you are labeled as a Hovering or Helicopter Parent. If you are casual and let your child explore things independently, you are termed as a casual, or may be Neglectful Parent.
As a new mom, I did not lose myself to my babies at all. I didn’t want to lose my individuality and certainly refrained from doing over parenting. But as our kids grew up and became more mobile, started walking, running and climbing around, I felt a shift in my way of dealing with them- a paradigm shift it was. Maybe I was growing along with them as a Mother.
You know, I have to admit that a certain amount of my own helicoptering is due to fear. Not fear that something will actually happen to my children, but a fear that if something DOES happen, not only will I suffer whatever loss there is (injury, accident etc) and my own guilty feelings wondering if I could have prevented it, but also the wrath and judgement of the rest of the world.
As a mother, I see myself searching for that right spot at several occasions.
- Should I step ahead and stand behind my son or should I let him attempt climbing up the slide ?
- Should I be ready to catch him once he slides from the other side?
- What if he falls and needs to be taken to hospital right away?
Oh wait, let me just “hover” around him and ensure I take him back home one piece!
Your parenting style can prove to be a double edged sword at times- which sort of contradicts each other. We have to protect our kids and see to their well being while at the same time promote & nurture their independence so that they learn to do things by themselves for themselves when they grow older.
So what’s the right Balance?
Well, with time and experience, I have realised that if you are on the more protective or cautious end of the spectrum, you really to need to self-monitor. Ultimately kids have to learn to look after themselves. Parents- even the overprotective kinds know this but just find it harder to balance out in such situations.
And in case you are on the less-protective side, you better be careful and diligent with your little one!