Living Together is a no shocker now, however when I came to know about it I was shocked so much that when I think of it even today I get that exact fast paced heartbeat once again.

Separation of Kamal Haasan and Gautami
Separation of Kamal Haasan and Gautami Image source the bridalbox

I was studying in college, I met this girl (in her early 20’s) in a train travel. We were the same age group so felt comfortable chatting.

She was from Bangalore, working for a MNC. She was talking so much about her partner and how they got on so well at home.

Somewhere between the conversation she was asking me if she needs to tell this to her parents. I was astonished, but kept to myself.

I advised her that she take him home and open up about their marriage.

“What marriage”, she asked “we are not married but are living in together”.

That was the first time I had heard any terminology like that, it was 2003.

Now in 2016, young women are much more open, advanced and independent (that is how they term themselves) and this new found freedom has made many want to experiment, not only with other things  in life but also their choice of partner.

Living Together – A Relationship of Cohabitation

A study says that women get attached to their partners in a Live-in- relationship as they do with their married partners. In fact the emotional quotient is the same when women are concerned.

Living together  seems to be a very easy option than roughing up into the snags and hitches of getting married.

Yes! it is true that you do not have to get any legal papers done, however, does a live -in-relationship offer the same kind of legal security as does the marriage?

Especially when the emotion endurance of a woman is comparatively the same in both these cases.

These were the questions that arose when I heard of separation of Kamal Haasan and Gautami Tadimalla.

It was disturbing to read Gautami Tadimalla’s blog, the day she decided to leave Kamal Haasan. I could not bear a feeling of deceit while I read the post.

True! it took just a post to let go off a 13 year relationship.

Just one post on her blog to say bye to relationship that she had for more than a decade.

And it started like this

It is heartbreaking for me to have to say today that I and Mr. Haasan are no longer together. After almost 13 years together, it has been one of the most devastating decisions that I have ever had to make in my life. It is never easy for anyone in a committed relationship to realise that their paths have irreversibly diverged and that the only choices in front of them are to either compromise with their dreams for life or to accept the truth of their solitude and move ahead. It has taken me a very long time, a couple of years at the very least, to accept this heartbreaking truth and come to this decision.

Read the complete post here
Marriage is one thing but living together without any ties is another. When a women gets into any relationship she first searches for love and affection, security and future plans take a back seat.

When mature people like Kamal Haasan and Gautami can fail a relationship, I really doubt how much a chance the youngsters of today stand.

For the young women who are letting themselves into this no pain no gain -Live -in-relationship -Here are 5 Questions you need to ask yourself before living together.

  1. Are You Ready To Adjust

Gauitami –

It has taken me a very long time, a couple of years at the very least, to accept this heartbreaking truth and come to this decision.

Adjustments are needed everywhere.

Women, particularly Indian women have been trained to adjustments in life. However,  adjusting to living conditions of a new partner-without-ties is difficult.

You would not be expected to question everything your partner is doing and his habits. However in a marriage you could simply turn the complete house upside down, if you could not cope up with a certain issue.

You would have your family (and sometimes his) as bouncers, ready to bounce the moment you blew the whistle.

Thus adjustment is a must if you choose living together.

2. Are You Independent

This decision to set forth on my own at this stage in my life is perhaps one of the most difficult decisions any woman will ever have to make but it is a necessary one for me. – Gautami

If you are not monetarily secure and hence choose to Live in together, very sorry, think again.

Leeching  a person will create trouble rather than securing you. It also makes you a lousy partner and demeans your self respect.

Mutual respect is very important in any relationship, and with living together it is of paramount importance. You cannot desire to live together with anyone who does not respect you or give the required space for you.

3. Do You Feel Safe

Does your partner make you feel secure when you are with him?

This is one very important question you need to ask yourself. In this age of technological boom, there is an eye looming above everyone’s head, and to feel safe has become a craving need for many.

As a woman you need to know how safe you would be to share personal space with a person.

4. Can You Be You

Posing to be someone else is okay when it is a limited period of time like in office or in a group. However, to be posing always is a burden which becomes heavy on your shoulders with every passing day.

Make sure you are the real you when you are with your partner and he is comfortable with that.

Only a person who values your actual self will be able to respect you.

5. Are You Aware of Your Weakness

This is the most important question you need to ask yourself, are you aware of your weakness?

If you are aware and you know how to face it, you can easily cope up with a break up

I would like to say that I am sharing this monumental happening in my life because I have always lived my life in your midst, with dignity and grace to the best of my ability at all times

Yes! She did it with dignity, this dignity comes when you very well know what your weakness are and how to overcome them.

Life is not a bed of roses, to live life peacefully and succeed in what you seek is what life is about. Relationships are made to provide support to move ahead. Make sure you make the right choices to do exactly that- move ahead.

I am taking part in #NaBloPoMo with #BlogHer

This post is linked up with #TadkaTuesday of Jaibala Rao and Deepa

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29 comments on “Seperation of Kamal Haasan and Gautami – 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves before Living Together”

  1. I think younsters want time to take the final decision, however even after all this there seems to be more divorces happening, so what is the use of trying live-in and then choosing and all. Totally confusing generation -this is

  2. I think the youngsters have to stop aping. Especially famous personalities. We do something because we believe in it or stopped believing in it. We cant ride the tide and blame things on that.

  3. Relationships are just so tricky and complicated that it doesnt matter what is your permutation and combination is; unless there is trust and honesty there, it gets very difficult and stormy.

  4. Live in relationships require the same amount of work as any other ‘legal’ binding. If in the unbinding, there is ease – there is also a lot of pain.

  5. Adjustments are made from both sides but as women tend to be more giving, they are found to be more adjusting in a relationship. Excellent write up Menaka.

  6. Very powerful post..all points need to be pondered upon before any couple decides to jump into a liv-in relationship.

  7. Well said Meneka. Living in is not uncommon anymore and I, though believe in marriage, don’t think it defines a relationship or bonds it forever. We see and hear of many more divorces and separations today. So each to themselves, but whether you are married or living in, emotions and commitment are not something you can get rid of easily.

  8. I like the 5 points Menaka. Be it a normal couple or celebrity couple everything starts with adjustment. The order of your points are also so apt. DO you also observe a lot of casual attitude in today younger crowd earlier man and a woman walked their paths till the end, now a lot of times I see my way or the highway attitude to.

  9. Thanks Deepa, Live in has become more common amon all people offlate Deepa, We can see people, youngsters, in all walks of life chioosing this option. This is mainly because they live far off from parents and require emotional support.

  10. True Mayuri! there are so many thngs one needs to think of where relationships are concerned. I really don’t want to see women fail emotionally, they rather need to be strong in this new scenario.

  11. thats the common trend going on metro cities & to be very true i don’t like this culture of live in reationships .thanks for sharing questionare

  12. I am not one for living In, but respect the choice if it it made by people.
    Your well-written post highlights all the thoughts and doubts that rise in my mind when i think of living in. Of course, marriage has no guarantee either, but getting out of or turning one’s back to a live in partner is far easier.
    This well articulated article made an excellent read, more so because you’ve highlighted the recent split by this famous couple.

  13. I see any relationship as requiring adjustments and compromises, be it a live in or a marriage. Not saying they are same, because a live in does not give the legal safety net of a marriage. But They basic tenants of any relationship should be the same no? Thank You for writing and connecting with TadkaTuesday. Looking forward to your participation again.

  14. I also read about it few days ago in the papers. But was not aware of all the details of their relationship. You have pointed out some good questions in this post regarding live in relationships. It is a very common scenario these days specially in celebrities. But it is a very personal matter which might not work for everyone. Thanks for writing for #TadkaTuesday Menaka. 🙂

  15. You have very correctly talked about the emotional attachment of women. This is why it seldom works.We get too attached.Anyway I don’t understand live in relationships

  16. I wasn’t aware about this news and seriously I’ve heard a lot about failed relationships of celebrities. Don’t know why but it’s a common trend in film industry. Glad that you raised and explained the pointers beautifully. ?

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